Helping Young Children Say "I'm Sorry" - Especially on Yom Kipppur

Saying "I'm sorry" can be one of the most difficult lessons to learn. Even as adults, we sometimes struggle with those two simple words, so it's reasonable for this to be just as tough as children, if not more so.

Children should learn to acknowledge when they've done something they shouldn't have or hurt someone, whether it was an accident or on purpose. Yom Kippur is a wonderful time to introduce the idea of saying "I'm sorry" to children; when children are not yet old enough to observe fasting on Yom Kippur, there are still ways to include them in observance of the holiday, such as focusing on the idea of repentance.

Books can be an easy and gentle way to begin a conversation with your child and provide kid-friendly examples of when and how to apologize. These stories explore saying "I'm sorry," and the characters in these books each have a different imeptus for needing to apologize - one is an accident, one comes from misbehaving, and one as a result of thoughtlessly hurting a friend's feelings.

For more about teaching children the importance of a genuine "I'm sorry," see this article from Kveller, which also highlights Tashlich at Turtle Rock.

Tashlich at Turtle Rock

by Susan Schnur and Anna Schnur-Fishman, illustrated by Alex Steele-Morgan

Annie is excited about the Tashlich ceremony on the afternoon of Rosh Hashanah, when her family will walk to Turtle Rock Creek and throw crumbs into the water, as symbols of mistakes made the past year. As Annie leads her family through the woods stopping at favorite rocks, bridges, and waterfalls in her family's own Tashlich ritual, they think about the good and bad things that happened during the past year, and make plans for a sweeter new year.

The Hardest Word
by Jacqueline Jules, illustrated by Katherine Janus Kahn

The Ziz, a wonderful bird who lived long ago, is so big and clumsy he can't keep from bumping into things. When a tree he knocks over destroys the children's garden, he seeks God's help to fix things. "Bring me the hardest word," God intructs him, and the Ziz flies off to search. He brings back words like rhinocerous, rock, and Rumplestiltskin, but none is acceptable, until he makes an important discovery.

I'm Sorry, Grover: A Rosh Hashanah Tale
By Tilda Balsley and Ellen Fischer, illustrated by Tom Leigh

Brosh can't find his blue cap, and suspects one of his friends has taken it. When Grover returns the lost item, Brosh is glad that the High Holidays offer him a chance to say "I'm sorry."

Sammy Spider's First Yom Kippur
by Sylvia A. Rouss, illustrated by Katherine Janus Kahn

When Josh breaks the rules and plays ball indoors, he finds himself apologizing not only to his parents, but to Sammy Spider as well.

Can You Walk and Read at the Same Time?

An interesting blog post by Elizabeth Bluemle appeared in Publishers Weekly all about bringing children’s literature outdoors. In a variety of programs, one called StoryWalk, pages from books are made into outdoor installations along a walking trail. Two great activities for kids—reading and movement—are brought together in the outdoors’ fresh air and sunshine.

When I think of an outdoor story experience this time of year, I immediately think of Tashlich at Turtle Rock, a story about Annie and her family as they take a walk to Turtle Creek on the afternoon of Rosh Hashanah. They will throw crumbs into the water as symbols of mistakes they made during the past year. As they hike through the woods, they think about the good and bad things that happened and make plans for the new year.  Allowing children to experience this story and to interact with its thoughtful questions in nature adds a dimension that would make a lasting impact on a young and formative mind. Imagine if this "story walk" ended at a tashlich?

Would you consider a project like this in your community?

StoryWalk has a very helpful FAQ on their website, with great information to get a program going in your community.

A Family's Tashlich Ritual as Told in a Picture Book

Shanah Tovah from Kar-Ben! We sat down with Susan Schnur, the co-author of Tashlich at Turtle Rock, a new book for Rosh Hashanah. She wrote the book with her daughter, Anna Schnur-Fishman, based on their own family's Tashlich ritual. We hope you enjoy the book and are inspired to add a nature walk to your Rosh Hashanah celebration!

Where did you get the inspiration for Tashlich at Turtle Rock?
It comes straight from the spiritual Jewish stuff that my husband and I and our two kids do at home. In fact, the names of the two kids in the book are just the real names of my kids -- Lincoln and Anna.

What are you most excited about promoting in your new book?
The idea that you can do cool Jewish stuff outdoors with your own family!

What is the most interesting thing you learned in the process of writing your book?
That it's really fun to write with another human being. I liked writing with my daughter when she was in a good mood, but, for some reason, I also really enjoyed writing with her when she was cranky. I think because I understood that her crankiness had something to do with those moments in the creative process when you're sure that everything you're putting on paper is wrong. It was also cool to write with someone whose literary voice you often trust more than your own.

How do you hope your book will impact the Jewish life of a child?
If a family starts having the confidence to create Jewish rituals of their own at home, out-of-doors, that's very hopeful for Judaism.

What was your favorite book when you were a child?
The Harold and the Purple Crayon series.

What’s your favorite line from a book?
The last lines from Charlotte's Web: "Wilbur never forgot Charlotte. She was in a class by herself. It is not often that someone comes along who is a true friend and a good writer. Charlotte was both."

Who are your top three favorite authors or illustrators?
For children's book authors, I love Daniel Pinkwater. For grownup book authors, I love Rilke. My fave children's book illustrator is N.C. Wyeth.

Why did you want to become an author or illustrator?
I've written since I was 6 years old. Though I went to seminary and then got a doctorate in psychology, in the heartiest part of my hearty-heart-heart, I have always been, and remain, a writer.

Do you have any advice for future authors or illustrators?
To write children's literature, you should start by being a child.